Baiamonte’s Casa #3
February 23, 2009
Reported By: Joe Baiamonte of WrestleView.com
Baiamonte’s Casa #3
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Ciao! It’s time again to step into Baiamonte’s Casa for another spicy dose of surrealist wrestling journalism. As I write this, may I send out a very rare thank you to Manchester City, who today took 2 points off Liverpool and handed Manchester United a seven point lead atop the Barclay’s Premiership Table. See Liverpool, this is why you should never employ a Spanish waiter to try and win you a league title. It?ll never work.
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Anyway, onto even more pressing issues, and this week’s venture inside the Casa. And what a colourful visit it promises to be, as this week, I cast an eye over the hysterical world of wrestling ring attire.
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Ring attire, historically, has been an easy target for mockery f rom the anti-wrestling types. Many a generic journalist or comedian has labeled wrestling trunks as ?underwear? or a singlet as a ?girls leotard?. Yet, despite the resemblance to underwear and leotards and God knows what else, the ring attire of a wrestler is always a hot topic of discussion amongst the wrestling community.
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I remember as a four year old, my favourite WWF superstar was the Ultimate Warrior and my WCW wrestler of choice was Sting. Both men who weren?t exactly shy about pounding skulls whilst wearing everything f rom aqua marine to hot pink (yes I?m familiar with varying shades of blue and pink, as every modern man should be!). I would constantly second guess what they?d be wearing every time they stepped through the curtain. Still to this day, if a superstar goes through a wardrobe change, I?ll admit I mark out, so long as it’s worthy of a mark out moment. Goldust becoming ?The Artist Formerly Known as Goldust? in 1998 and looking like a gimp on an acid trip was more sickening than it was a mark out moment. Rhodes senior rocking the polka dots back in 1990 however, was worthy of a standing ovation and should have seen Dusty get a short run with the WWF Title just for being man enough to combine man boobs with polka dots and still maintain credibility?just.
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Wrestling eras are practically defined by the get up that adorns their top stars. Back in the 50’s and 60’s, you?d have probably been shot for wearing a shade of blue lighter than navy. The 70’s gathered some momentum on the colour front, with even ?Naitch? breaking out the bandana and multicoloured pants. The 80’s, forget about it, it was as if Liberace had fed the costume departments a diet of LSD and sugar and told them to make every superstar look ?fabulous?. You had Rude, Savage, Warrior, Ventura, Garvin and Adrian FRIGGIN Street amongst others, all doing their bit to make pro wrestling the most macho programme involving tie-dye and moustaches on television. The 90’s originally carried on this fluorescent trend, before the ?attitude? era kicked in and unless you wore black, you just weren?t main event material. Just ask Steve Austin, The Rock, HHH, ?Hollywood? Hulk Hogan, Sting and The Undertaker. Nowadays however, we?ve seen a resurgence in all things bright and beautiful, and more and more wrestlers are daring to dream of superstardom in luminous pants.
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As the dust settled f rom the ill fated Invasion angle, something must have lit a spark in Vince Mcmahon’s head that made him realize just how awesome multicoloured ring attire can be. All of a sudden, Rey Mysterio signs for the WWE, coincidence? I think not. Vince saw Rey Rey’s ability to carry off two tone baggy pants and a matching mask and showed him where to sign. I?m sure Vinny Mac also had a word in HHH’s ear about lightening up when it came to his trunks, because no sooner had Trips recaptured the World Title f rom Shawn Michaels at Armageddon 2002, he was sporting red, blue, purple and even a special WrestleMania pink during his matches. Although, in all fairness, this change in attire colour may have been to divert attention away f rom his dire set of opponents he had to deal with during his ?03 reign as Champ. Nevertheless, I think it’s safe to say that we?re seeing the heady days of ?Rock ?N Wrestling? style flamboyancy being brought back into the world of the pro wrestling ring garment. A flamboyancy I thought we would never see the likes of again, especially after High Energy split up and Owen Hart ditched the MC Hammer dungarees for a mundane, generic singlet. Did he not realize that he could have had an even better set of matches against his brother Bret in ?94 if he?d been rocking the 80’s pop star look?
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Now, when it comes to that almost impossible pairing of wacky ring attire being combined with a serious feud, you really cannot look any further than ?Ravishing? Rick Rude. Forget the fact the guy had a curly mullet and moustache combo and looked like he should probably be on the set of ?Ally Mcsqueal? rather than in a wrestling ring, the guy knew how to rock the most ludicrous of pant designs and still somehow maintain a solid push as a serious heel. Here’s a guy who, when he feuded with Jake Roberts, had a picture of Roberts? wife airbrushed onto the crotch of his friggin? tights! The fact that The Rock never airbrushed Debra onto his trunks for his WrestleMania 17 match against Austin is a crime now I think about it. Here’s to hoping Randy Orton has some kind of Stephanie design ready to unload on HHH come WrestleMania. However, I digress. Rick Rude should be in the WWE Hall of Fame for his classic tights designs alone, let alone his fantastic in ring skills and natural ability to cut a great promo. Despite this return to bright in ring fashion, we?ve yet to see the airbrushed pants look make a return that I can think of. In all fairness, it may be for the best, as Rude did it with such aplomb that no one else may ever duplicate his brilliance in the wrestling fashion world.
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The more wacky ring attire is seems to be yet another testament to just how tough professional wrestlers really are. I touched upon this in last weeks column with regards to bizarre facial hair, but I?m going to reiterate it in a different way. Would Demolition have dared to look like they escaped f rom a sex dungeon if they couldn?t break your neck in a second flat? And I doubt Jimmy Garvin would have worn feather boas and sequin gloves unless he was capable of stomping you into a coma. That’s before I?ve even mentioned Adrian Street, the effeminate weirdo f rom Wigan in the UK, a typically industrial, working class town whose choice of sport is rugby. Don?t get me started.
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Moving away f rom the US, it?d be unfair to write a column on wrestling attire and not mention those crazy bastards south of the border, down Mexico way. Now, my knowledge of Lucha Libre wrestling is limited to a handful of matches and the film Nacho Libre with Jack Black, but either way, Mexican wrestling gets a round of applause f rom me for spearheading the phenomena that is the wrestling mask. Now, I?m no wrestling historian, so I don?t know where exactly masked wrestlers originated f rom and became popular, but there’s no denying that the likes of AAA and CMLL in Mexico have gone a long way to ballooning this cultural phenomena over the decades. Whether it’s masks with bright colours or horns or flames, it’s been done in Mexico, and done brilliantly. No wonder mask vs mask matches are treated with such significance over there. If I got to wear one of those .ers, I?d never take it off, in or out of the ring. It’s wrestling’s equivalent to being a superhero, and what’s cooler than being Batman? Being Batman and being World Heavyweight Champion obviously!
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Anyway, so ends another trip around the Casa. I hope you?ve enjoyed yourselves once again and will now appreciate even more the toughness and unpredictability of a man in luminous pants.
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Next week in the Casa I?ll be tackling the very serious issue of politics and wrestling. That’s right, which wrestlers should be in the White House? Which superstar past or present would you want to help you out of the current economic crisis? And why Sergeant Slaughter would Camel Clutch the war on terror into submission to finally appease those fans who have never forgiven him for his Iraqi sympathizer gimmick in 1991.
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So if you have any early suggestions you may want to make for next week, get ?em into me at joebaia123@hotmail.com. Required viewing is anything to do with Jesse Ventura I guess.
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Until next time,
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Arriverderci
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