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CZW 6/6 Townsend, DE results

Paul Nemer
June 7, 2009
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CZW returned to Delaware for what was one of the most unique experiences I’ve ever had as a wrestling fan…a show at the Markland family farm (aka heel wrestler DJ Hyde) in Townsend, DE. We’re talking a rural area…rural enough that this came into play in a very scary way at the shows’s end. This event was one of the best organized events with plenty on the farm grounds, port-o-potties, well-organized concessions, and the usual BYOB adult beverages, which (as always) some fans handled better than others.

A good strong crowd, that hung in there through a long afternoon into evening, although got impatient with the non-tournament matches that prececded the main eveny, as you’ll see in later results.

First round

  • Nick Gage defeated Deranged (with Billy Graham) in a no rope barbed wire fire match. There wrre some problems keeping the fire lit on the ropes, as for the only timeof the day, there was a breeze…during the fire match. Key sick spots were Deranged going through a flaming section of the NRBW with the wire snapped. Gage won with a flaming chair shot that was one of the sickest visuals of the day.
  • WHACKS defeated Toby Klein in a Barbed Wire and Tube Bundles match via a senton on Klein who had barbed wire boards laying on him. Earlier in the match, Klein did some funny heeling on WHACKS, saying (alluding to WHACKS’s past work as a photographer) “asking where WHACKS’s camera is, saying that he doesn’t deserve to be in the ring with him and should be taking his picture, smashes WHACKS, grabs a fan’s camera and takes WHACKS’s picture.
  • Scotty Vortekz defeated xOMGx and late addition Drake Younger in a Thumbtack Kickpads Match. This left some bloody bodies just from ordinarily simple kicks to the back and side. The finish saw a pane of glass set up on 4 chairs (with Drake Younger under the glass) and Scotty Vortekz nailing a spanish fly off the top onto glass for the pinfall
  • In the “Pane in the glass” match, Danny Havoc defeated Dysfunction with a dragon suplex through a pane of glass wrapped in barbed wire which was being held up by chairs, this after a twisting corkscrew moonsault on Dysfunction (under a pane of glass)
  • Jon Moxley defeated Brain Damage defeated in the Tables, Chairs and SIlverware match (a kitchen/dinner table was literally set up in the ring with place settings, food…and a grandfather clock). Brain Damage enterred the ring with a samurai sword. Well, Billy Graham made out like a waiter, served Damage and Moxley food. Brain Damage ate some cake, then started things by punching Jon Moxley in the face. Oh, and Brain Damage brought out a drill saw against Jon Moxley’s head, and a baseball bat with a saw blade in it and proceeded to use it on Moxley’s face.

    The “Chainsaw” character who has been part of the Switchblade Conspiracy group of Moxley and Sami Callahan, Damage goes after him only to be rolled up by
    Moxley. Brain Damage responds by dragging Chainsaw into the ring, slamming him through the grandfather clock and carves his head with the drill saw.

  • In the “Jack in the box” death match, Thumbtack Jack defeated. DJ Hyde in what was easily the match of the show, a nominee for US hardcore match of the year, and one of the single sickest matches I’ve seen in year in all my years as a wrestling fan. That says something.

    Cinderblocks were stacked up with light tubes stuck through them, panes of glass, and light tube bundles around the ring. Thumbtack Jack puts a dildo in DJ Hyde’s mouth. A predictable “you suck dick” chant gets started Thumbtack Jack gets slammed through the cinderblock contraption. Here’s where it gets really sick. DJ Hyde gets a (presumably gimmicked) cinderbloock and breaks it over Thumbtack Jack’s head. Later, Thumbtack Jackjust INJECTS DJ HYDE WITH A SYRINGE, If you think it was gimmicked, the syringe was hanging from DJ Hyde’s arm at one point. Later, Hyde responded by putting one through Thumbtack Jack’s cheek, and another. Jack later answeed him by driving Hyde through a pane of glass set up on two stacked cinderblocks and setting the glass on fire. If that wasn’t enough, after Hyde was stuck in the ropes putting acupuncture needles into Hyde’s head. After the melee, Thumbtack Jack advanced by pinfall

    Second round

  • In “fans bring the weapons” semi-final match one, Nick Gage defeated Scotty Vortekz and Jon Moxley with Gage pinning Moxley after a spike piledriver on light tubes
  • In “fans bring the weapons” semi-final match one, Thumbtack Jack defeated WHACKS and Danny Havoc with a gourdbusterr on Danny Havoc

    Non-tournament matches

  • Tyler Veritas over Alex Colon by pinfall
  • Greg Excellent over Devon Moore with a Tiger Driver
  • In a #1 Heavyweight Title contenders match, Trent Acid defeated Sami Callahan aftre a Yakuza Kick in a match that was the right match at the wrong time. The day had gone on a long while and the crowd was ready to see the Tournament final. A small, and inebriated group of fans were chanting “worst match ever” (hint: wasn’t remotely close…but alcohol and time will do that to a brain). Sami Callahan confronted a fan who threw water on him, Callahan took ome of their hats, spit in it, then threw it into the crowd and broke his sunglasses. The fans ran around to the locker room area and tried to go after Callahan. The staff and the locker room ran in from the backpart of the field to drag out the fanf.

    Final round/200 light tubes and panes of glass deathmatch

    In the main event, Thumbtack defeated Nick Gage by forfeit…well, sort of.

    Here’s where the rural location of this match caused a bigtime problem. Nick Gage went through one section of the light tubes woven through the ropes, and suffered a BAD cut under his ribs, bad enough that he got out of the ring immediately. Given all the sick spots of the day, it’s oddly ironic that a fairly “routine” deathmatch spot caused this kind of injury.

    Here’s where booking on the fly came in… Given that CZW had absolutely no choice, an impromptu battle royal started, with Jon Moxley jumpting Thumbtack Jack, follwoed by Sami Callahan, joined by DJ Hyde, followed by Drake Younger, Scotty Vortekz, Zandig, Dysfunction, Brain Damage. Zandig seems to have won the battle royal and is first declared champion, then tells the crowd “I don’t put myself over at my own shows”, more or less declares the main event a forfeit and declares Thumbtack Jack the 2009 winner.

    An ambulance seemed to take forever to get to the venue. Local officials wound up having to bring in a chopper (yes, the place was large enough that a chopper could land) to take Gage to a local hospital. Gage was reported as of this morning to be OK, although having lost a lot of blood. The story is that Gage wanted to somehow try to work the main event match, and CZW was smart enough to prevent him from doing so.

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