Reported by Keith Vinciguerra of WrestleView.com
» On Saturday, February 1, 2003 at 11:31 PM EST

It's me, it's me, it's KVG. No, I'm not a big DDP fan. I couldn't think of anything important enough to write in the intro this week, but it would be rather impersonal of me to just jump right into the recap ....

VELOCITY RECAP

The show opens with a montage of the Dawn Marie / Torrie / Al Wilson storyline.

Jamie Noble with Nidia vs. Mike Bucci

Before the match starts, we see a quick interview with Funaki and Nidia. Jamie gets all bent out of shape because Funaki was checking her out. Back in the ring, we see armbars and hammerlocks from both wrestlers in the early going. Jamie takes over with a knee to the midsection but Bucci is able to come back with a hip toss and bodyslam. Nidia tries to help her man by pulling him out of the ring, but Bucci slide kicks Noble into the barricade. Nidia grabs Bucci so Noble can clock him and then he hits a second rope leg drop to the back of Bucci’s head. He then slaps on an odd looking chinlock for a few minutes until Bucci counters into a reverse atomic drop. The newcomer nails an ensuguri for a two count but makes the mistake of charging at Noble in the corner. He gets tripped head first into the turnbuckle and Noble hits his (new?) finisher, the Sling Blade. It’s really just a swinging neckbreaker with a bit more impact.

Winner by pinfall: Jamie Noble

Chuck Palumbo vs. Nunzio

As usual, Chuck shows his strength by tossing the smaller opponent around the ring. Nunzio kicks Chuck’s legs a few times but gets thrown to the outside. Chuck follows him and tosses him back in the ring and hits a brutal clothesline. He then picks up Nunzio in a power bomb position and throws him back first into the turnbuckle. Nunzio continues to get mauled by some shoulder tackles in the corner, a belly-to-belly suplex, and an elbow drop. He manages to kick out after another clothesline and finally gets in some offense with a kick to a charging Chuck’s face and a spinning DDT. Nunzio gets the win with a roll up out of nowhere.

Winner by pinfall: Nunzio

Flashbacks

More of the Dawn Marie / Torrie Wilson storyline: the five second kiss that the WWE tried to use to boost PPV buys.

We also see Team Angle winning the #1 contender match over Edge and Chris Benoit on Smackdown.

Chavo Guerrero vs. Red Dog

Chavo takes control early on with some uppercuts, a drop toe hold, and a back suplex. He tries a few quick pin attempts to no avail. Red Dog gains the momentum by slamming Chavo into the corner and then hitting a power slam. He locks in the dreaded bear hug for awhile but Chavo breaks free and hits a second rope dropkick, some more uppercuts, a standing dropkick and a DDT for a two count. He makes a crucial mistake by trying for the Gory Bomb, which is countered into a back body drop. Red Dog falls backwards onto Chavo for the pin. After the match, Chavo locks on an STF and then Cena and Eddie show up. A mild brawl ensues.

Winner by pinfall: Red Dog

Flashback

It’s the Dawn Marie / Al Wilson wedding.

They also show Vince McMahon on Smackdown announcing the Rock vs. Hulk Hogan match for No Mercy followed by the Rock’s promo by satellite.

Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie

Dawn Marie jumps Torrie before she gets into the ring. Some kicking and choking follows. Dawn Marie stands on Torrie’s hair but Al’s favorite daughter executes a leg scissors and a drop kick to turn the tide. Dawn Marie gains control again by dropping Torrie neck first into the ropes and then hits a head butt to the .... lower abdomen. She charges Torrie in the corner and gets rolled up for a two count. Torrie gets up and nails a few clotheslines, a snap suplex, and a swinging neckbreaker. She tries a bodyslam, but Dawn Marie slips over her back into a roll up for a two count. As they are getting to their feet, Torrie is able to execute a DDT for the win.

Winner by pinfall: Torrie Wilson

VELOCITY REVIEW

Dawn Marie may be the worst actress ever (okay, she’s better than Sable). She makes crying noises but there are no tears!! Why am I even bothering to talk about this? And why are Dawn Marie and Torrie fighting on this show? Yes, millions of Smackdown fans are elated that this storyline has disappeared from the A show, but that means that I have to write about it since it’s been relegated to the B show. It would be really cool if they moved it over to Heat since Dave Missert loves Al and his magic rocket.

Jamie Noble with Funk Nasty vs. Mike Bucci

Funaki is lucky that Jamie interrupted the interview before he had to actually touch the Funk Nasty. The match itself was decent, a standard Velocity match. The newcomer got in some offense and that always makes things a bit more interesting than a straight up squash.

Chuck Palumbo vs. Nunzio

What an odd match. Nunzio getting a win over Chuck is totally believable if he actually earned it with some great offense (or cheated), but all he did was roll him up. It is totally unrealistic that Nunzio could hold Chuck down for three seconds when the bigger man wasn’t even hurt. Anyway, the rest of the match wasn’t very entertaining because it was basically Chuck beating on Nunzio the whole time.

Chavo Guerrero vs. Red Dog

Another strange match. Red Dog only used a few moves yet still got the win off a weak counter pin. I understand that the purpose of this match was to build up the feud between the two teams, but we usually see better matches from Chavo.

The Rock (sort of) returns to Smackdown

He’s a heel, he’s a face, he’s a heel. Rock insulted Green Bay, then used his stale catchphrases to get the crowd going, and then he put down Hogan. Personally, I’m indifferent to both these guys. I respect that the fans go crazy for them and thus they still have a place in the WWE, but I find neither character interesting anymore. I will say that Rock’s promo was really boring. I guess he’s too busy making movies to come up with anything new to say to the fans. And isn’t it a bit ironic that Hogan is introduced as “Hollywood” Hulk Hogan, yet Rock was speaking to us from Hollywood and Hollywood is the reason he hasn't been around for so long?

Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie

This is hardly main event material here, but the women actually surprised me. The match lasted longer than I expected and both got in some decent offense. As much as I don’t like seeing the storyline on Velocity, this is probably a good show for them to be wrestling on right now.

Overall, this was a weak Velocity. Not a single match was better than average. We saw tons of Al Wilson footage. And Spanky’s debut on Smackdown means we didn’t see Diamondback / Jet / River Rat. I always try to point out the good things about Velocity for those fans who shun the B shows, but there just wasn’t anything remarkable this week.